Mine, yours, ours

‘Kruispunten’ (Crossroads) – Patty Helewaert

I cherished the music I played, but it was mostly my music.

Confined to rooms where I was alone.

Making me sink into depths of self, which, by the way, I liked.

A closed circuit of sound with me at the centre, floating in happiness.

Often, but not always.

In times of sorrow I learnt that playing Bach is my best alternative for praying.

Playing for others was linked with fear.

The fear of someone else’s verdict, which I would internalise.

If there was no verdict, I would pass my own.

Then, on an impulse, I changed the settings.

I am playing for others now, no matter what.

The music is no longer only mine, but also yours and ours.

Experience is more important than fear, even though fear is never absent.

Things are different now.

A friend says: my mother would like to hear you play.

I say: fine, how can we arrange that?

Another friend says: my partner enjoyed your living room concert.

I say: great, I’ll organise another one.

A nephew says: can you play Chopin for me, I got to like Chopin by watching the movie ‘The pianist’.

I say ‘yes’ and play Chopin’s opus 25 nr 1 Etude.

It’s not Carnegie Hall.

It’s not my face on a CD box.

Not me having a million likes on Youtube.

It’s just life, just music.

Mine, yours, ours.